A House is not a Home
by BittersweetAngel27
Summary: When Batman caught him stealing the tires off the Batmobile, Jason thought he had finally found a home, but now he's not so sure where he belongs anymore. Jason's world is crumbling as his relationship with Bruce and Dick take a turn for the worse. He's barely 15 and already feels like his life has spiraled out of his control. Death looms over the second robin.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first story so I was really anxious about posting this but it's now or never. Constructive criticism is welcome. I don't have a beta so if there are any gramatical or spelling errors I apologize, I tried to be thorough when I proof read. Also this is going to be mostly about Jason Todd, because I love him and I was so excited to see him on Young Justice. I hope he's not too out of character as I really haven't read a lot ofcomics and my only real experience with the character was seeing Batman: Under the Red Hood and reading a couple of Red Hood and The Outlaws comics.**

Chapter 1: Small

Green eyes observed the grey clouds overhead, watching as sparks of electricity danced through the air and flinching as thunder shook the Earth. He sat rigid on the roof of Wayne Manor staring into the vast skies, losing himself in old memories and fresh wounds. The roof of Wayne manor had always been his solace, he could always find peace there, even when the burdens of the world threatened to overtake him. Now, however, it was just a place and a reminder of everything he could never have.

You're filthy. The things you had to do to survive, Bruce would be disgusted if he knew. It was thoughts like these that plagued Jason every time he lay in bed late at night, he could no longer escape them, even in his safe haven. He tried not to imagine the disappointment and pure revulsion on Bruce's face if he were to ever discover the horrible things Jason was forced into as a child. Images of men with sinister smiles flashed through his mind, how naïve and stupid he had been, how easily he had fallen into their hands. It was only reasonable to think it was his fault. He was never good enough, could never find enough to eat, to survive, and he just did what he had to do. He hoped that would be enough for Bruce to forgive him, to not look at him the same way everyone else did.

Jason was pulled from his thoughts as the first drop of rain landed on his nose, the water trailed down his burning skin and he closed his eyes. He embraced the cold, let it seep through his thin shirt and jeans, numbing everything it touched. He silently hoped it would ease the pain inside his chest. He didn't want to feel anything right now; he didn't want to feel anything ever again.

He knew he wasn't perfect. He never knew the right words or actions to take and he knew he wasn't the greatest protégé or the most obedient son, but that's what made him Jason. He just never thought that he wouldn't be enough for Bruce, would never be enough.

A tear slid down his face, intermingling with the rain drenching his body. He had never felt so worthless in his entire life. He always thought that he would never feel this way again as long as he had Bruce, but here he was, feeling pathetic and broken. People were wrong when they said that words could never hurt you, they cut deeper than any knife.

**Flashback (A/N: for some reason it wouldn't save my line breaks)**

"Jason we need to talk"

The words didn't shock the teenager he was expecting a lecture sooner or later, it was the tone of voice Bruce was using that really shocked him. Jason smirked, but internally he was waging war with himself, fighting back his anxiety and forcing his feet to remain steady.

"It was a mistake." Bruce started "to make you Robin"

Jason's heart plummeted as the lecture continued and Bruce's words grew harsher. His world was ripping at the seams and he had to reign in his hurt and devastation. Tears burned behind his eyes but he refused to be weak in front of Bruce, but it was so hard to hear those words coming from his hero's mouth, his father's mouth. He could feel the anger and sadness rise to the surface and he clung onto the rage he felt and that's what got him through. Bruce could never take those words back and Jason would always remember how much they hurt. It cemented his believe that he was unlovable, unworthy. All he had was rage and love didn't exist in a damned city like Gotham. He should have known that already.

"We should have never met" it was the cruelest thing that Bruce had ever said to him, because that had been the best day of Jason's life. Bruce was the best thing in Jason's life and to hear him say those cold harsh words it just broke Jason's heart. He really thought he would cry then and there, but he didn't, instead he held on tightly to his rage, to his hatred and he felt his own eyes harden as his heart quickly built barriers to keep the cold words out.

**End Of Flashback**

The young robin curled in on himself, letting the rain pound down on his prone form. His green eyes stared into space, unfocused but wide with pain. It was a sickening realization to make at fifteen, how could he handle this. He felt so alone, so used and tired. Jason shuddered with a sob, feeling overwhelmed by the waves of emotions. His biological father abandoned him, his mother's addiction had made her cold and distant, and now Bruce didn't want him. He had finally felt at home and now he didn't know where home was. Maybe he never would.

**A/N: I could have sworn I read somewhere that Bruce had this conversation with Jason, but not completely sure where this idea came from. Anyway this was a lot shorter than I thought it would be so I think I will be continuing this. I hope you guys liked it. Please review! **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This is awesome! I didn't really expect for anyone to read much less review. Thank you so much for all the nice comments. I'm sorry it took a couple days for me to update, life has been crazy between school and sports it was really hard to find the time to write. I hope you guys like this chapter, it kinda explains how Bruce is feeling and what's going on inside his head during their conversation. The team will be in this story eventually but for now it will mostly be the Batfamily. **

**Disclaimer: (I forgot to do this last chapter because I was so nervous about posting my first story. ANYWAY) I do not own Young Justice in any shape or form and all the characters belong to DC.**

Chapter 2: Regrets

Batman watched with cold indifference as Robin narrowed his eyes and promptly left the room, slamming the door behind him. Every nerve in the boy's body had radiated anger and had he not met Jason's gaze he wouldn't have seen the pain his words had inflicted, wouldn't have seen the cold glaze that settled over emerald orbs. The Bat felt little remorse for the emotional pain he had inflicted upon his soldier, but Bruce Wayne, the man behind the cowl, felt a pang in his heart at the sight of his child's devastation. The stony Batman persona slowly crumbled with a shaky sigh and drooped shoulders.

Bruce slumped down at his desk, taking his head in his hands. The boy, his son, was so unstable. Alfred was the first one to notice and when he finally alerted Bruce it became too obvious to ignore anymore. Even Dick had started to notice the second Robin's instability and soon the team would too. Jason was full of rage, and at first he had thought that fighting crime would be an excellent release for all that anger, but Jason had become increasingly violent, to the point of blacking out and nearly beating a suspect to death. Jason had no recollection of the event and passed out in shock after finding his fists bloodied and bruised. It was one of the scariest moments of Bruce's life, finding his adopted son covered in another man's blood and an empty look in his normally bright and mischievous eyes. It was something that would haunt Bruce forever and he couldn't help but feel it was his fault. The life he had provided so far for Jason wasn't exactly ideal. Jason was so scarred by his time on the streets and Bruce never took the time to properly address the psychologically damaging traumas Jason experienced during his childhood. At this point Jason needed professional help and a stable environment, while Bruce could pay for the best psychologists in the world, he wasn't going to kid himself and say that he could provide the stable home environment that Jason needed and deserved. He knew he couldn't give Jason that without giving up the identity of Batman and even if he did, would Jason willingly give up crime fighting and Robin?

He had never meant to bring children into his war on crime, he had never meant to adopt Dick or Jason, and he never expected to grow to love them so much, but this was his reality and he knew it was selfish but he couldn't give up on the promise he made to his parents all those years ago and he definitely couldn't fail the people of Gotham. Jason needed a parent and Batman couldn't be a father, but he could find Jason the home he deserved. Although it pained Bruce to do this, he knew he needed to; Jason needed someone that Bruce knew he could never be.

It took a lot of searching but eventually he tracked down Jason's biological mother, Sheila Haywood. She was a Doctor, currently working in Ethiopia with a charitable foundation providing free medical care to the locals. It was easy enough to find a file with her contact information and a picture. She was a beautiful woman that exuded intelligence, with short dirty blonde hair that framed her face and piercing green eyes that held a familiar mischievous glint. He could see so much of Jason in her and he knew immediately that she could care for him properly. She was his family, by blood, something Bruce could never be, no matter what the legal paperwork said. His eyes locked on the bold lettered numbers at the bottom of the file, his fingers quickly pushing the numbers on the key pad and with a quick flick of his thumb the phone came to life with a hum.

"Dr. Haywood speaking", her was tone professional.

A lump formed in Bruce's throat and his hands shook.

"Hello" the gentle voice of Jason's biological mother rang through the telephone.

His eyes narrowed, this was a woman who abandoned her son to a deadbeat father. She didn't deserve him! He was Bruce's child in everything but blood.

"Anyone there", irritation crept into the woman's voice.

Jason needed this; he had to do this for his son.

"I'm hanging up". The lump in his throat continued to constrict his airways. He couldn't bring himself to answer her. His heart was tightening painfully in his chest and he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. The dial tone signaled that she had hung up on him and he let out a sigh of relief. Not today, he couldn't do this today. Eventually he would be able to let go. Eventually, he told himself.

He got to his feet and gave one last sad glance at the abandoned phone at his desk before leaving the room. Could he really give Jason up? If he was being honest the answer would be no.

**A/N: Another short chapter. Sorry I really need to make these longer. Also I am very sorry if Bruce came off as oc. If you guys have any pointers or constructive criticism please share because I'm still very new to this and would love to become a better writer. Anyway I hope you guys liked it! Please Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks everyone for reviewing! It's nice knowing that people are actually reading this. I'm sorry again for the slow updates. Life is just hectic and i've been working on this bit by bit, its really frustrating actually. I'm not really that proud of this chapter but here it is. Warning there will be cussing, it just felt right with the character I really debated changing the cuss words but they fit with Jason's personality being a street kid and all. Anyway enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Young Justice or its characters!**

Chapter 3: What are brothers for?

The sunlight crept through the sheer curtains in Jason's room and he slowly brought up a forearm to shield his eyes from the sudden light. He cracked one eye open before blinking back sleep, he yawned and propped himself up on his elbows. This action prompted a wince from Jason, his entire body ached and a wet cough escaped his lips. He must have caught a cold after falling asleep on the roof. Speaking of which, how the hell did he end up back in his room? The last thing he remembered was lying down and closing his eyes, too miserable to move away from the cold. Maybe good old Alfred got him down. The thought was comical and very implausible so he settled with the next option, Bruce. He flinched at the thought of his mentor; it brought back memories of the night before. Painful memories that Jason wished were just nightmares that his own mind had fabricated. He knew they weren't and he would learn to deal with it like he always did, alone.

He got up rather unsteadily and was making his way to the bathroom when the first bout of nausea overwhelmed him. Jason soon found himself face first in the toilet throwing up last night's casserole. Alfred's cooking was heaven to a street rat like him but he couldn't really say he enjoyed it the second time around. He spent a good twenty minutes emptying the contents of his stomach and dry heaving into the porcelain bowl. He wiped his pale lips with the back of a shaky hand and rested his body on the tile floor. A sigh passed his chapped lips as he curled into the fetal position, which seemed to calm his churning stomach. Jason closed his eyes; feeling the exhaustion of the last few days wash over him and force him into unconsciousness.

"Jason?" there was a strong hand gripping his shoulder and shaking him awake. He grumbled but didn't move nor did he open his eyes. The annoyingly persistent man hovering over him was the last person he wanted to see.

"Go away asshole", he growled as his predecessor continued to nudge him into consciousness. He actually thought Dick had complied with his request when the older boy removed his hand from Jason's shoulder, but of course luck wasn't on his side this morning.

"You can't lay here Jaybird. A bed would be much more comfortable" Dammit! Of all people! It just had to be Dickhead Grayson. He pried his heavy eyelids open, unhappy to see the 17 year old vigilante standing above him with a concerned look on his face.

"I said" Jason bit out venomously "f*ck off"

Dick wasn't affected by the obscenity; instead he flashed Jason that annoying smile of his. The younger teen grimaced and silently wished death upon the acrobat. No one should be that cheerful all the time; Golden boy must be enjoying his suffering.

"Okay Jay, if you're not getting up…" there was teasing undertone to Dick's voice, Jason didn't like it one bit. "Then I'll just have to carry you."

Jason narrowed his eyes, "Don't you f*cking dare".

This only made the smile on Dick's face widen and immediately Jason found himself being picked up bridal style by the older teen. He squirmed awkwardly in the arms of his predecessor but relented when the world spun around him. The thought of moving, much less walking was nauseating so he allowed the contact.

Jason bit back a whimper at the loss of heat as Dick placed him on his bed, but sighed as blankets were wrapped around him. He was sweating but the last thing he wanted to do was leave the warmth of the comforter. What the hell was wrong with him? This didn't seem like the common cold and that's when it hit him. All these symptoms added up; fever, chills, nausea, headache and a cough. Dammit! He had the flu! It was proof that the Universe hated him! Bruce wasn't the only thing sidelining him now.

"Jay, I need to take your temperature" Dick's voice interrupted his thoughts

"No" Jason groaned "just go away. I don't need a babysitter"

"No offense Jay, but you look like crap. You're sick and what kind of brother would I be if I didn't take care of you." Dick smiled; it made Jason want to punch him in the face.

"Okay, let me rephrase" Jason snapped "I don't want or need you here and besides I feel great Goldie"

Jason resisted the urge to sneeze, his nose twitching.

"Oh, really" Dick said mischievously "then I'm sure you would love some of Alfred's leftover casserole"

Jason nearly groaned, his stomach churning at the thought of food. He couldn't let Dick get the better of him that easily, but unfortunately his body felt like spiting him. He gagged and immediately Dick grabbed a bucket and handed it to his little brother with a smirk on his face. Dick rubbed small circles into Jason's back as he dry heaved.

"Still want to tell me you aren't sick", the smirk didn't disappear and if Jason had not felt so miserable, he would have jumped up and strangled the smug jerk.

He grumbled but was compliant as Dick placed the thermometer in his mouth.

"Jason your temperature is 100.7. I need to cool you down before your temperature rises" Dick stated quickly "Maybe I should get Bruce. I'm not exactly the best at this"

"NO" the abrupt reply didn't seem to shock Dick "A-Alfred's better with this kinda stuff"

Jason hated the knowing look in his predecessor's eyes. "So that's why you were on the roof last night"

Jason didn't reply, instead he avoided Dick's gaze. So it had been Dick that brought him into his room. He clenched his fists feeling the familiar pain and anger rise to the surface; Bruce hadn't even come in to check on him.

Dick was staring at him, probably waiting for an explanation that Jason wasn't willing to give. He knew he couldn't hold back the emotion churning inside if he spoke. It would all come out in a flurry of fists and angry screams; he was done crying, done trying to be what Bruce wanted him to be. He was done trying to live up to his predecessor's legacy. He would forge his own path and no one would get in the way. Not Dick and definitely not Bruce, he would be his own Robin; he would prove that he was better and that he had earned the mantle. Not to them, but to himself.

"I know he can be a cold hearted jerk at times. Trust me; I've lived with the guy since I was nine. He's not exactly rainbows and sunshine, but I know for a fact that he cares, he truly genuinely cares about you and everything he does is because he loves you. I didn't really understand it at first either". There it was again, Dick's annoying voice interrupting his musing. It was the complete compassion and understanding that really pissed Jason off, he couldn't pretend like he knew what Jason was going through. Dick was the Golden child, Bruce worshipped him and in the Bats eyes he could do no wrong. How could he possibly know how he felt? To not be wanted by the one you cared most about.

"Yeah you would know Goldie, because even when you guys had your stupid little pissing war going on all he talked about was you, but look at you now. Daddy's perfect little soldier." Dick was shocked by the pure venom in Jason's voice and narrowed his eyes. Jason smirked; he had finally wiped that stupid smile off of Dick's face.

"It that what this is about?! That Bruce loves me more than you." Dick retorted "Jason this isn't a competition", that struck a nerve and Jason's anger boiled over, his aching body forgotten. He lunged at his predecessor and swung wildly, forcing his heavy limbs to strike by pure willpower. His fist caught Dick's nose and he smirked as the older boy recoiled, his nose steadily bleeding. Taking advantage of Dick's shock he pulled back for another punch but his fist was easily caught in a strong hand. Dick narrowed his eyes into tiny slits, his normally bright blue orbs hard and cold. Jason met his gaze with an equally icy glare, his chest heaving from the exertion. The older vigilante tightened his grip on the fist in his hand and there was a strange look in his eyes that Jason couldn't recognize, he flinched, and for the first time since meeting Dick he actually feared the older boy. Jason diverted his gaze, hoping that Dick wouldn't hit him too hard. He nearly jumped when instead the older boy gently lifted his head. Dick's gaze had softened and his blue eyes swam with emotion, pure compassion and now that he recognized it, love. Dick pulled his little brother into a tight hug. The former street rat stiffened against the older vigilante's chest and his breathe hitched audible. A lump formed in his throat. Dammit, he thought he was done crying.

When was the last time someone had held him? It had become such a foreign feeling and he couldn't quite comprehend why Dick, of all people, was here with his strong arms tightly wrapped around him. He wanted to pull away, to kick and to scream because people never held him or touched him without darker intentions. Worse were the ones that wrapped him in their arms and whispered sweet little nothings and broken promises. The ones that pretended to care for a little bit before morphing into the monsters in his nightmares. He was so tired of people turning their backs on him.

"Let go" his said hoarsely.

"Never Little Wing. I'll never let you go" Dick whispered lovingly into his ear "You mean too much for me to let you fall"

It shocked Jason how much those words affected him. Maybe this is what he wanted all along; for someone to hold him, for someone to care. The gates flooded and his weakly built barriers crumbled, he cried in his brother's arms. It felt good, all those self-destructive thoughts of being inadequate, unworthy all cleansed with his salty tears and in the strong arms of his older brother.

"It's okay. I love you Jay."

Jason really wanted to believe him. Maybe eventually he would.

**A/N: I hope both Dick and Jay were in character, I tried to make what they were saying really match up to their personalities in the show and what i've seen of Jason in the comics (I hope Jason crying wasn't too oc). Also in case you don't understand the comment Dick makes about not letting Jason fall, its kinda headcanon. I really think that after seeing his parents fall, he tries to make sure no one else that he cares for does either, metaphorically or literally. Well that's it I hope you guys liked it. Please review!**

**On a side note: Screw Cartoon Network and thank god for youtube and itunes! Is Young Justice really not going to be back until January?!**


	4. Here For You

**A/N: This is a flashback chapter; it will eventually make its way back to the present. I hope it's not too confusing. I really wanted to focus on Dick this chapter and his interactions and motivation behind his visit as well as provide some backstory for the character. I also included some Bruce too. I think I pretty much screwed up the Young Justice timeline but let's pretend that Dick graduated super early at 17 and already lives on his own in Bludhaven. He's definitely not a cop yet though! Oh! Another thing! This is NOT SLASH! Just thought I would put that out there. Just brotherly fluff and there might even be some father-son fluff this chapter! Read and find out.**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Young Justice. If I did Jason would be alive and well in the show.**

**Chapter 4: Here for you**

**1 Week Earlier**

**Bludhaven**

"Wally I don't know what to do anymore" Dick sighed.

The Speedster stared at him for a moment before swallowing the last of his turkey sandwich. "Dude something has to be done and soon. I don't know if you're aware of this but your little bro is a little messed up. You're just lucky I was there to cover his butt when he blew our cover"

"I know. It's just." He sighs again "What can I do? I've already tried talking to him. He won't open up to me. He won't talk to anyone."

"Try harder! Stick around the Manor for more than 10 minutes! Stop making up excuses just because you can't even look Bruce in the eye right now. Something's wrong and it's big! Dick, he could have gotten someone else killed!" the speedster hissed

"You don't think I know that! I've been a crappy brother and now Jason's paying for it."

"I never said that. I'm tired of always being the bad guy but you need to hear this! I could have died. Artemis, M'gann, Supey, all of them could have died." The speedster said seriously. "Do you know how terrifying that was? Dick, for a second I thought he would kill someone. Or get himself killed. People don't just react that way, not unless.." Wally cuts himself off, his voice softens "Something isn't right and Batman is ignoring it. You're ignoring it. I'm not trying to tell you how to be a big brother but Jason is not okay"

Dick stared back at his friend guiltily, "I didn't know it was this bad. I-I'll try. I'll make things better with him"

"Good."

* * *

**3 days earlier **

His fist hovered over the door but before he could knock he was greeted by the Mansion's butler. Dick smiled warmly, "Hey Alf".

"Nice to see you're still in one piece Master Richard." the butler greeted as the teen stepped into the Manor "Shall I prepare another plate for dinner?" Dick nodded. His mouth watered at the thought of a home cooked meal, he hadn't had one in 3 weeks, that was the last time Alfred stopped by with some lasagna. Living on your own sucked at times.

"How's it going Alfie?" Dick questioned happily as they entered the kitchen.

"Fine Master Richard, although a little tense since your departure. Master Bruce really does miss you"

Dick smiled fondly "Yeah, I miss him too. It's just nice to be home"

"Indeed Young Master. We are happy to have you home" Alfred paused for a moment "Master Bruce is in his office if you wish to speak with him". Good Old Alfred always knew exactly what he was thinking.

The acrobat smiled again and muttered a quick thanks before making his way to Bruce's office. He took a deep breath; things had been a little rough between them for a while. Bruce wasn't particularly happy when Dick struck out of his own. They both said things they weren't proud of but that was over now and they have recently reconciled. It just felt good to know that things were alright between them again, albeit a little awkward.

"Bruce" Dick called softly and the door to the office swung open. His mentor looked down at him for a moment before brushing past him quickly.

"Bruce, we need to talk" Dick called after him.

"Not right now Dick" His mentor bit out gruffly

The former circus performer gritted his teeth and took a deep breath. "This is important. It's about Jason"

Bruce turned around and stared at him indifferently, "I had a talk with him".

"So what are you going to do about it? Jason needs help" Dick growled

"This isn't your place." This is what the former boy wonder feared, that this conversation would put him at odds with Bruce again. He couldn't handle the solitude and the strain of their relationship hanging over him any longer. He had needed his father figure to be there for him all those lonely nights, to chase away his nightmares. The sickening crunch of bones colliding hard with concrete forever imprinted in his mind, only for him to relive night after night. New nightmares of a two- faced madman and his coin of fate, a bat tight in his grip. The teen shivered at the memory of all those sleepless nights. He missed the safety that came with Bruce's strong embrace. He was tired of all the bickering, he was so emotionally exhausted.

"Jason IS my concern" Dick retorted "He's a Robin, just like I was and I don't want him to get hurt or worse!" Dick wanted to say that Jason was his little brother, that he was family but the thought wouldn't form into words. He wasn't exactly jealous, maybe angry and hurt, but jealous, no. Jason wasn't Bruce's ward. He was his adopted son. When Dick turned 18 he would no longer hold a place in Bruce's world. He was expendable and Bruce had done nothing but proven that since the day he kicked Dick out of the Mansion. The acrobat clenched his fist, Bruce's face showed no change and Dick wanted to scream at him, anything to make the man feel SOMETHING. Maybe he had too high of expectations. Bruce Wayne was really a cruel cold hearted man.

"Dick, I know I failed you. You were angry. You are still angry with me but there is really no need for your involvement. I fired him." The Bat's answer didn't reassure him. Jason wouldn't be in harm's way but how much longer would it be before he struck off on his own like he had. His little brother wasn't easily deterred. He was an experienced fighter but the thought of Jason alone with Two-face or worse, the Joker. It chilled him to the bone.

"You really think that will stop him" Dick snapped

"No" his mentor sighed "but I have other contingency plans."

Dick raised an eyebrow at that and realization dawned on him. He had kicked Dick out, so why not send Jason away too?

"Let me guess. You're sending Jason away. Can't handle the responsibility of another broken child?"

His mentor's frown deepened. "It's for the best."

"Just because he doesn't live up to your freakishly high expectations doesn't mean you can just throw him out like he never mattered. He's not a soldier or a piece in a game that you can manipulate! Geez you never cared about us, did you?!" This hit too close to home, all the words he left unsaid. All the betrayal and disappointment so powerful he could hardly breathe, "You're his father now. For once in your life act like you care. Bruce for once in your life commit to something other than your damn mission. He doesn't deserve that, I sure didn't". A tear slips down his cheek, all his fears laid out in front of this man. He's bearing his soul and he feels his heart crumble as the man's expression hardens. Typical Bruce, emotion is weakness.

"You don't understand. I found his-" he sighs in frustration

"I never understand do I?" Dick interrupts "No Bruce, you're the one that never understood. You can't brush me off that easily. I'm not 13 anymore, and I haven't been that same little obedient soldier for a while. I'm 17! I just graduated from High School! I've been living on my own because you, YOU kicked me out! Stop trying to act like my father when you haven't been one for a year" Dick glared at his mentor bitterly.

Bruce ran his hand through his hair and bowed his head. "I'm sorry"

"W-what?" Dick stuttered. Bruce had never apologized to him.

Bruce smirked sadly. "Don't make me say it again." The billionaire frowned "I know that isn't going to make all the pain go away but I want you in my life again. This year has been hard, these last few months even harder and the manor hasn't been the same. It's darker when you aren't here. Dick I know I've screwed up with you. I haven't lived up to my role as a father and although I could never replace your parents I want our relationship back, I want to be your Dad again. I've always wanted that. I'm afraid for you, please just let me fix this gaping hole I've made between us." Dick was shell shocked to hear those words leave his mentor's mouth. The older man gazed down at him remorsefully, his eyes shining with genuine love.

"Br-Dad I've missed you" the teen propelled himself into the older man's arms. The billionaire was smiling genuinely now as he wrapped his arms around his son.

"I've missed you too"

"Don't think I forgot the conversation about Jason. That discussion isn't over yet" the 17 year old muttered into his guardian's chest "but for now I'm just happy to be home".

* * *

It was nice to laugh again with Bruce, to joke around and not hear his constant disapproval.

"I'm proud of you, chum." Bruce gave him a sincere smile. "Don't think I haven't been keeping an eye on your activities in Bludhaven. Although I think you do need better plating in your suit. I'll take care of that"

"Yeah, I'll admit that was kinda dumb of me." Dick grinned

"You need to be more careful" it was a serious statement and for once Dick could see the concern in his mentor's eyes.

He looked away, muttering a soft "I know".

"I was worried about you. It got so bad that I couldn't sleep. I kept reliving that moment." Bruce gulped "with Two-face. I felt so helpless. Dick, I've always cared. I-I'm just so afraid that you'll end up dead." Bruce sent him a fierce gaze "I don't want you to be another memory that drives me to continue this war"

Dick gulped audibly, "I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I was too angry and hurt to ever realize how much you cared but I see it now, I see it Bruce."

"I'm glad" Bruce smiled warmly at his adopted son as steaming hot plates of casserole were placed in front of them. Alfred was setting down a third plate when they heard a crash in the kitchen.

"Oh dear, Master Jason!" the Butler's voice rang out behind the kitchen door. The two got up from their seats just as Alfred reentered the room.

"Nothing you need to worry yourself with Young Masters. Please do sit down"

The old butler picked up the third plate before returning to the kitchen once again. There was faint murmuring behind the closed door before heavy footsteps could be heard climbing up the stairs.

Alfred came back with a pitcher of water and another plate of food on a tray. Before the two could ask Alfred replied curtly, "Master Jason retired early to his room. He wishes to remain undisturbed."

The old Butler exited the room, tray in hand. Dick raised an eyebrow "Soooo…. Jason's pretty pissed off " Typical Jason, to want to cause some sort of havoc, especially if he was upset. It set Dick on edge and he let the subject of Jason slip from the conversation after seeing Bruce's emotionless mask set itself back in place. However, his little brother remained a fixture in his thoughts throughout the night.

* * *

"Night Bruce" he saluted as he climbed up the stairs. The teenager was walking down the dimly lit hallway when he heard it. It was a creak and the whine of rusted metal. Through the strong scream of the wind he could hear the window slamming shut and yank back open again with a strong whoosh.

"Jason?" he called softly as he entered his little brother's room. The window was in fact open and the bed empty. Dick's heart skipped a beat, immediately assuming the worst. His brother ran away, Jason was kidnapped, he fell out the open window and was lying broken on the concrete below. All the nightmarish possibilities flashed through his mind and he trembled as he neared the open window. Dick stuck his head out and his heart nearly jumped out of his chest when his eyes fell on Jason's still form. His baby brother was lying completely still and dangling inches from the edge of the roof. "Jason!" he leapt out onto the roof, his shoes slipping on the tile. He hit his knees and crawled over to the younger boy. Jason was pale and shivering, Dick wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and pulled him into his chest, slowly shuffling towards the open window. Once inside he pulled off Jason's wet clothing and rushed into the bathroom to get a dry towel. He wrapped the shivering boy up and rummaged through his drawers to find dry clothing.

"M'sorry" Jason muttered deliriously

"Jay, what are you talking about?" Dick whispered trying to rouse the teen.

"M'sorry."

"Why were you on the roof?"

"I want to stay here" it was the first lucid thing he heard his brother say.

"You'll always have a place here Jaybird" Dick reassured

"Please don't hate me" the younger teen murmured weakly

"I don't hate you and I never will"

His little brother took sighed happily, his head lolling on Dick's chest. The older vigilante placed a warm hand on Jason's ice cold skin. The boy gasped before leaning into the touch. The older boy towel dried his brother's soaking wet hair and dressed him before swaddling the two of them in as many comforters as he could manage, effectively trapping his body heat and warming up Jason. The younger boy gravitated towards the heat source and in a surprising display of affection nuzzled against Dick. "Bruce… Dad" the boy sighed. Dick smiled at the affectionate term. He wrapped his arms around the younger teen and grinned. Sick Jason had its perks. For one, Jason would never let Dick hug him if he was in his right mind. Two, he was so a closet cuddler.

* * *

**2 days before**

Dick woke up early that morning because of the uncomfortable heat of the comforters. He was practically dripping sweat as he untangled himself from his little brother's grasp. He felt a little congested as he wrestled out of the bed. The younger teen remained deep in sleep and Dick grinned at the adorableness that was his 15 year old adopted brother. He leaned down to press the back of his hand to his brother's forehead and immediately recoiled. He was burning up. He slipped out of the room to grab some ice but bumped right into the solid chest of his mentor. His father smiled down at him and placed a hand on Dick's shoulder to steady him. "Why in such a hurry chum?"

"Bruce, Jason has a fever" concern was creeping into his voice. The billionaire furrowed his brow, immediately stepping in the direction of Jason's door. He sits on the edge of the bed before placing a hand on his younger boy's forehead. "He's burning up" the man states as he untangles the unconscious teen from the comforter.

A whimper sounds from Jason's throat as he is cradled in Bruce's arms. "Nooo" the boy moans weakly. "Too hot. Skin too hot" he whimpers again as he squirms in his mentor's grip. The boy's cheeks are flushed bright red and his entire body is radiating heat. Jason shakes and whimpers quietly in his father's arms.

"Dick get Alfred! I need a thermometer and some cold compresses" Bruce ordered. The 17 year old nodded and did as he was told and quickly tracked down the old butler.

"Alfred, Jason's sick!" Alfred quickly pulled out his medical supplies and followed Dick without a word. When they entered the room, Bruce had Jason cradled to his chest and was gently stroking his son's cheek He pulled his hand away quickly, embarrassed that he was caught in such a tender moment with Jason. "Alfred take his temperature. I'll run a cold bath." His tone was clipped.

The Butler nodded and sat down on the bedside while Dick helped Bruce fill the bathtub with cold water and ice. "Oh dear, his temperature is 103.1 Master Bruce"

The billionaire was immediately at his son's side and lifting the shivering teen into his arms. "Jason, hold on" he said softly as he strokes the boy's hair "Dick take the comforter off, leave only the thin sheets." The teen did as he was told and immediately Bruce placed the unconscious teen back on the bed.

"If Master Jason's fever doesn't go down, we will be forced to place him in the ice bath"

Bruce nodded in understanding before placing cool compresses all over Jason's body. The teen let out a loud cry, and writhed uncomfortably. "Stop" he cried. The billionaire strokes his son's cheek tenderly, trying to soothe his child. The boy arches away from the hand, for a moment a look of hurt passes on the older man's face.

"Alfred, Dick. I want to be alone with Jason. I'll take care of him"

The two nod and quickly exit the room.

Over the next few hours Jason's fever doesn't get any better, he stares into nothing, his hooded eyes clouded with a feverish haze. The boy seems completely unaware of the world around him. Bruce bites his lip in worry, his second child whimpers constantly. The Billionaire sighs, he is running out of options. He grits his teeth and calls in Alfred and his eldest to help strip Jason down to his boxers. Bruce lifts his youngest into his arms, Jason's head lolls back and his feet dangle uselessly. The boy's breathes are shallow and his green eyes dilated. Jason voices his discomfort quietly with hisses and screams as he is eased into the ice bath.

"Stop! Please Stop. No" Jason is sobbing loudly as his shoulders are submerged in the ice water.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Jay" Bruce whispers as he places a chaste kiss on his son's forehead. The boy twitches and falls unconscious. Bruce holds his son's head up and waits for several minutes before taking Jason's temperature again. He sighs as it reads a lower, more manageable temperature. He pulls his son's light body from the bath and quickly wraps him up in a towel. Jason's head rests against his shoulder and it's reassuring to hear and feel Jason's breathe coming more easily now. He sits down on the edge of the bed, rocking his son in his arms. His little bird is okay. He's going to be okay.

* * *

** Present (Chapter 3 Events)**

Jason's fever breaks after the second day, the three of them check up on the slumbering 15 year old periodically. He wakes up on the second day, early in the morning. Dick finds his little brother sprawled out on the bathroom floor, his chest heaving. He rouses the teen, who doesn't seem to appreciate it very much and it seems that he doesn't remember anything from the past few days; his fever, the ice bath or Bruce taking care of him. He resents Dick, it's evident and the older boy is hurt by the comments the other makes, but he knows Jason is crumbling and fast. He does the only thing he knows he can do, he comforts his little brother. He chooses to be the big brother he hasn't been for the last couple months. Bruce wasn't the only one not living up to his role. He breaks as Jason screams and sobs, he can feel the intensity of the emotion, he's that little boy again at the circus sobbing for his dead parents. It's overwhelming, the guilt he feels, how had he not seen the pain his brother was in. He murmurs comforting words into the younger teen's ear and he tries to soothe the distraught boy. Jason is not okay and he sees that now. How did he miss it? How could he? He really was a failure as a brother.

* * *

The younger boy in his arms had fallen silent, the occasional whimper escaping his pale and chapped lips. His skin was nearly translucent with ugly red streaks running down his cheeks and his green eyes glazed over with a faraway look in his eye. The teen's breathing was harsh and labored as if he was struggling to fill his lungs with air.

"Jay, you okay?" Dick asked quietly

The younger of the two nodded numbly and continued to stare at the ceiling. Dick shifted further into the bed and pulled his brother tighter into his chest. Jason needed him to be here to ward off all his demons. Blue eyes searched dull green orbs and he caressed Jason's cheek softly with his thumb. The other boy didn't move he seemed too consumed in his own thoughts to care about the soft touches. Eventually the older vigilante was able to coax his little brother into a fitful sleep.

Jason whispered horrible secrets in his sleep, things that made Dick's fists clench in anger. Even in his sleep, the young Robin was never at ease, his muscles tense and ready for battle. He would wait to ask questions, for now his little brother needed him.

Jason was having a nightmare- a bad one. The young teen was thrashing in Dick's grip and muttering in his sleep. "No" over and over again. It was the first time that Dick had witnessed his brother's night terrors and it terrified him. Was this how Bruce felt when he used to have dreams about his parents falling? Did he feel as helpless? It hurt him to watch his little brother cry and scream in his sleep, trying to fight off the monsters in his nightmares. It was enough to make Dick murderous; he wanted to hurt the people that had touched his little brother. They would never lay another hand on him as long as Dick was around. It was in this moment that Dick realized his protective instincts had kicked in, he could understand why Bruce did the things he did. He added Jason to the small list of people he fought for, the people he vowed to always protect.

**A/N: I feel like this chapter is really jumbled bleh but on the bright side I finally figured out line breaks! HA! Yes. This chapter was frustrating for me, I really didn't like how it turned out. I wanted to get this out before Halloween because I have absolutely no time to update and I really didn't want to leave you guys this long without a chapter. I hope you enjoy and I'm so glad that you guys are still reviewing. It means a lot, really, it fuels my writing. I love hearing feedback and would love to hear more. I hope I'm not disappointing anyone yet with my horrendous writing skills and I'm sorry if I am. Please just bear with me. Thank you! **

**Review. Review. Review. PLEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEEEE! **

ks. For one, Jason would never let Dick hug him if he was in his right mind. Two, he was so a closet cuddler.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So sorry about the long wait. I hope you guys all had an amazing Thanksgiving, and thank you so much for all the nice reviews, please keep reviewing. It's awesome and keeps me going, without you guys I probably would have stopped writing this story. I've had some major writer's block (all of a sudden Jaime Reyes inspiration struck and I'll probably have a one-shot out for him soon) also family vacation (meaning no computer :(). Anyway here's the chapter. Warning: Implied Child Abuse and yeah... also Multi-pov. ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN. GOT IT? Good :)**

**Chapter 5: To be a Man**

**Wayne Manor**

"Bruce." Dick bit out angrily as he entered the room. His mentor quickly looked up from his newspaper "What did you say to Jason?"

"I told him what he needed to hear" his mentor deadpanned.

"And what exactly was that?" Dick growled

"I fired him, told him it—everything was a mistake."

"Bruce he thinks that he doesn't have a home anymore. He thinks that you don't care"

"I found his Mother." The statement came from out of nowhere. Blindsided him. It was like a freight train hitting Dick at full speed, forcing the air from his lungs. "Her name is Sheila Haywood. She looks like him Dick. She has his eyes". Dick gaped at his mentor.

"His mother? His mother is alive?"

"Yes. She's a doctor in Ethiopia—" Dick regained his bearings and immediately cut the billionaire off.

"So what? You're just going to hand him over to her. Give him up, just like that?"

"That was the plan" Bruce swallowed hard.

"So that's how little he means to you… Just like that?" Dick struggled for the right words

"No. I don't want to let him go but I will because that's how much he means to me."

"Did you even consider how Jason would feel, how Alfred or I would feel?! He's my little brother. He's our family! His mother abandoned him! She doesn't deserve him! S-She can't have him." Dick snarled angrily

"Dick, that isn't for you to decide. I'm letting Jason make that decision." Bruce stated calmly and Dick's eyes widened

"You're pushing him away on purpose. You are afraid of what will happen if he chooses you"

"Dick. Stop it." Bruce growled "This conversation is over. I've said everything I needed to" Bruce waved him off and got up from the table.

* * *

**Crime Alley**

He didn't remember how he got there, it was all a blur of faces and streets and emotions. A sudden urge to take flight, to escape and he was out running, his bare feet pounding desperately against the gravel path.

He was on the streets again, pulling a jacket tight around himself. The lamp posts guiding him down the polluted and dark slums of Gotham. The rain was pouring down heavily, soaking through his thin sweat shirt and washing the blood from his calloused feet. His feet padded against wet, broken concrete and his green eyes trailed the smoke from a stranger's cigarette. He could really use one right now. He really shouldn't be out here, in Crime Alley this late at night, but he lives for the thrill, right? He's a street rat, always will be. It's too heavily engraved in his heart, wounds too deep; they'll never let him forget. He's where he belongs again, at the mercy of the streets, except now he isn't so powerless and he isn't afraid. He's Robin, the boy wonder and Bruce can't take that away from him because it's a part of him too now. He's had a taste of flight and can never go back. It's too deeply engraved in his memory, too close to his heart, he is a street rat, he is robin. Just as he is Jason Todd.

Dick sits down wearily and runs a hand through his hair. "Jason" he sighs. My little brother. My family. To be honest, he's afraid. He's afraid that Jason will choose his mother. He's afraid that she will take him far away, and he will never see that mischievous smile again, never hear that loud contagious laughter ring through the Manor again. He's afraid of losing all that, and he knows it's selfish but he won't let go. He won't let Bruce give up that easily. Jason. His little brother, his family.

It was a suffocating feeling, being watched. Their eyes trail him, watching his every move, watching and waiting. He clutches the small pocket knife in his hand just a little tighter and he focuses on the sidewalk ahead of him. He can practically feel their stares boring into the back of his head. They're closer. Slowly, they creep down the sidewalk behind him. Their footsteps veiled by the pitter patter of the downpour. His feet feel like lead, unbelievably heavy and lethargic. They're closer. He glances back and the black faceless figures chuckle.

"Where ya going boy?" one of the figures hoots as he grabs Jason's arm and forces the teen to face them.

"What's it to you?" the teen retorts, his thumb resting over the blade.

"Just wonderin'. You know little boys shouldn't wander the streets of Gotham alone at night"

These words sound eerily familiar and a chill travels up his spine. A hand snakes past the knife and hooks around his waist, another hand grips a cloth around his mouth. Chloroform. It's strong and his vision wavers but his fingers grip the pocket knife and stab at the man standing behind him.

"Little Sh-" the man is sent flying as Jason's foot meets his chest. The teen smirks. One stupid thug down, Four the go. Jason is in motion; he's flipping over a man and coming down hard on another's shoulders. He narrowly misses the swipe of a knife and brings up his knee to knock the thug's tooth out. Two down for the count he cheers mentally. A thug armed with a gun charges him and he rolls out of the way but not before sweeping the man's feet out from underneath him. He hears the satisfying thud of the impact and turns just in time to avoid getting a blow to his temple. He's slower tonight, and he knows it, a dangerous thing to be in the Gotham's slums. The lingering effects of the flu he surmises. With three men incapacitated, he is left with one lone would-be kidnapper. His vision swims for a moment and the ground shifts from underneath him but he remains on his feet. His gaze focuses on the blonde man ahead of him, his fingers wraps around the man's throat and he smirks as he hears the shriek of fear. The man's face morphs into his fath—Willis Todd's sneering face. He remembers how his old man used to scream at him, smack him around as his mother stood by. His grip tightens on the man's throat and the knife slides out of his grasp and clangs to the ground. He remembers the men on the street closing in on him, like the vultures they were. Tearing, ripping at his flesh. _You can't escape this life. This is where you belong_. Horrible screeching filling his ears, only for it to be his own screams ringing through the dark silence. His tears and blood too easily washed away, too easily ignored. His fists are flying freely now, connecting with the man's face, over and over. All he sees is red, all he feels is the overwhelming anger and fear. Worthless his father sneers. He's screaming now, his lungs feel like they're on fire. He's not worthless, he means something, he's someone. He screams it, if only to prove it to himself. He pulls back for another punch and his eyes finally focus on the man's face. Fear, absolute fear. His fist shakes and he drops the man's collar. What did he do? _What have I done?_ The blood on his fist are proof enough and he runs. The rain is pouring down relentlessly now. He's lost himself and no amount of rain can cleanse his past and what he's done.

* * *

**Bruce**

Jason is his son. What is he supposed to do if he chooses his Mother? He's raised the boy for two years and during that time he has grown to love that mischievous little brat, despite his flaring temper and tough persona. Jason is his but what right does he have to make the choice for him. He's confused and he's almost never this way, only when it comes to his children. He's avoiding the door leading to his room and he knows that it's futile. His hand reaches for the knob. He's calling his son's name softly only to be met with an empty bed and an open window.

"Jason" Bruce growls.

The billionaire nearly sprints down stairs and to the cave, almost tipping over a confused Alfred and startling his eldest son.

"Jason snuck out" he explains as he dresses in the Batcave.

Dick sighs as he quickly pulls on one of the spare uniforms he has laying in his locker. "Should I call Batgirl too?"

"Do whatever you want Dick" Bruce dismisses as he revs up the engine. The older teen quickly jumps in the passenger seat.

"Hey Babs, we may have a runaway Robin." Dick informs over the comm-link.

* * *

He's running, leaving behind the bloody mess of a man on the streets after calling in an ambulance. He's shaking and his knees collide hard with the concrete. The churning in his stomach won't stop and he chokes on the bile as it comes up, spilling his guts in the alley. He wipes his mouth and looks up, the rain is obscuring his view but he can make out the building. It's his old apartment complex. He crawls into the deserted and worn lobby. His heavy limbs take him up four flights of stairs before collapsing at the doorway of his old home. He crawls inside and curls up in the living room. It still smells like death. The familiar scent of her perfume long gone. He remembers his mother's cheap perfume more than anything.

* * *

"Br—Batman I'm sure he's fine" Dick reassured, even though he was shaking with anticipation too.

"He ditched his tracker" the Batman growled.

"We'll find him. Batgirl is on it too"

* * *

"Shut that stupid brat up" his father is screaming, slapping his Mother hard across the face. Jason tries to calm himself, he doesn't want Mommy to get hit again but there's so much screaming and he know his Daddy's angry and he's afraid. The five year old is sobbing quietly in the corner. Rough calloused fingers wrap around the collar of his shirt and he hates the feeling of them brushing against his skin, the first slap dazes him. By the fifth, he's silent and his father drops him to the ground carelessly. "Finally" Willis sighs, he stares at Jason intently. "Is that all you do? Cry? If you don't toughen up you're in for a cruel and rude awakening boy." His father looks disappointed and Jason grips his teddy bear hard. Willis turns his back muttering something about _children_ and _useless_. Jason resolves to be tough, to make his father proud. After all boys don't cry, and he doesn't, instead he chooses to cling to his father's leg as he packs up his clothing, leaving Jason behind with only harsh words of advice and the weight of another on his tiny shoulders.

* * *

"Batgirl here, I think I found Robin's trail. I just got intel that four human traffickers working for a local gang were just brought into custody by the GOPD. They were all pretty beat up and shaken, they identified a teenage boy as their attacker. I think it may be Robin, I'm going to search the scene and work my way around. Let me know if you find anything else"

"Thanks Babs. We'll check it out" Dick said cheerfully over the comm. "You hear that B, we gotta hurry. Don't know what kind of trouble that kid will get himself into."

The Batman nodded sternly and slammed down the accelerator, they car surged forward towards Crime Alley.

* * *

"Jase, my little boy, you'll never leave me." she sobs softly as he cards his fingers through her hair, he cradles the grown woman, picking up the broken pieces of his damaged Mother. "Always such a good little boy" she cries. She sobs loudly in his arms and he forces back tears because he wasn't the only one abandoned, and he needs to hold their small family together. He's the man of the house after all, at only eight years old. "He didn't deserve you Mommy. He didn't deserve you" he whispers reassuringly into his mother's ear, it became a mantra that she needed to hear. Never once did he think. I didn't deserve this. I never deserved this.

He drops out of school because they ask to many questions and he has to find some type of work, because isn't that what grown-ups do. He steals money and is so proud when he finds out he's good at it but it's never enough. Not for her. Every week they starve and sometimes the hunger pains are so strong he can't even force himself to move off the couch. Their gas is shut off, and he holds her tight in his small arms as she shivers from withdrawal when they hit a particularly hard week. She's moody and he has deep red scratches and bruises to attest to that. It's his fault, he got in the way during one of her episodes. It's all his fault. All of it, especially her death, if only he had been there instead of on the streets.

He cradles his mother for the last time, her unseeing eyes staring straight into his. Her body feels so heavy in his arms, more than it ever did. He sobs softly, she may have not been much but she loved him. At least she loved him.

"My little Jaybird. Such a good little boy" she would coo, back when the drugs didn't have such a strong hold over her and he's surprised he can even remember. He holds onto those memories, not the ones of a woman so cold and distant. A weight is lifted off his shoulders but the burden of the memory falls even heavier on his heart. "My little Jaybird." He remembers the beautiful woman with the pretty smile and the flowing red hair. He remembers when she used to cradle him. Used to hold him tightly with a genuine smile and announce her love. She screamed it at the top of her lungs. He would remember her. He would remember that woman.

* * *

"Still no Jason" Dick muttered unhappily.

Batman stood silently his eyes scanning the alley. He thought for sure Jason would be here. This was where he first met the boy, he could just imagine the skinny thirteen year old kneeling beside the Batmobile about to unscrew the last knut of his fourth tire. Instead he was met with a chilly breeze and an empty alley. His fingers curled around the handle of the door, Jason was not here and he had no idea where he was.

"Earth to Batman" Dick said jokingly, the Dark Knight turned his attention to the former Robin. "Batgirl just radioed me, she thinks she has a lead. There's a blood trail"

Batman could see the blatant worry on his protégé's face despite the mask.

* * *

"Little boys shouldn't wander Gotham at night." There was a hand wrapping around his waist, his vision blacking out as the men slipped a wet cloth in front of his nose.

"Let go" he breathed out but the man merely slung him over his shoulder, his vision went black.

"NO!" Jason screamed as he broke out of the memory before it could overwhelm him. His eyes snapped open and he nearly panicked when he felt a body flushed up against his. He looked up and sighed out of relief when his eyes landed on her red hair, so much like his mother's. It was Babs and she was hugging him, wrapping him up in her arms and reassuring him that everything would be alright. It was then that he realized tears were pouring down his cheeks and he mentally cursed. He pulled away embarrassed before clearing his throat and turned his gaze away from her.

"Getting shy on me Jason" she teased "it's okay to cry every once in a while you know"

He gritted his teeth, "yeah but I've been a fucking blubbering idiot. Men don't cry"

He was met with rich laughter, it reminded him of his mother's and with that thought tears burned behind his eyes again.

"You. A man? Jason you're 15. You don't need to be a man." She was immediately sober again and in a rare instance of affection pulled him close, wrapping her arms around him. "I know you haven't been a kid for a while but it's okay to cry, it keeps us from falling apart completely. You can't keep all those feelings bubbled up inside all the time."

He leaned into the touch, who knew he was such a sap. He was spending too much time with Dick, he wasn't usually this hungry for affection, for a comforting touch but he guessed it helped. If only to remind him that not all the people in his life would run out on him. To be the one comforted for a change.

**A/N: That's it! Hope you guys liked the cameo from Barbra and I really hope I didn't screw up her character to much I don't know much about her, only what I've seen in Young Justice and what I remember of B:TAS. Also sorry if it's a little hard to follow. I switched pov a lot so I hope that wasn't too frustrating to read. Anyway thank you for all the nice comments. Oh and I'm warning you now that these next coming weeks are hectic between school and sports and family commitments that I really will have no time to update so I apologize ahead of time. Please review/comment!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So Hi! I'm not dead obviously :) hehe sorry for the extremely long wait. Life has just been a whirl wind of events and I have been working on this little by little. I even took a well needed break from scholarships to finish up this chapter. I hope you guys like it and think it was worth the wait. i'm not extremely happy with it but here it is. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN YOUNG JUSTICE.**

Chapter 6: Insanity?

"Are you sure?" she asks, hesitating at the door.

"Yeah, this is just something I gotta do" Jason smiles softly at her "Tell B I'm fine. Just need some alone time"

For a second she looks like she's going to argue but she turns with a small wave and shuts the door behind her. He stares at the door for a moment, too familiar with the sound of it slamming shut. His fingers trace the carving in the wall, marking 3ft and 10 inches, his name scribbled in black permanent marker. It brings back memories, fleeting happiness and dull disappointment. His tears have all but dried out, and all that's left is a hollow aching in his heart. His green eyes move around the room, trying desperately to find something to look at, to not feel the painful numbness in his chest. This was his past.

Bruce, the Team, and Robin—that is his present, and like always life rewards him with momentary bliss before dealing him losing cards—with the unfairness and unjustness of fates only reserved for those born in the dirty streets of Crime Alley.

Thoughts of the future often plagued him, how long would Bruce put up with him? How much longer? It was a scary thought that his time with Bruce could be coming to an end. If only he had been the obedient son that the Batman had wanted but did he even have it in him? Jason knew he was tainted, rotten and wrong. His father's genes were always a reminder of this. The things he did to survive, even more so.

He knew he was flailing, drowning under a sea of his own traumas. It had only gotten worse in the last few months. It was like everything was triggering him, a man on the street smirking at him, a starving child, a careless comment by a teammate. It was unbearable living in this kind of fear. Jason wanted to be angry he wanted to cry and just push away his pain but it was like a persistent throbbing in his veins, reminding him that he couldn't escape his fate. He would fall to mental illness just like his mother. Catherine had always been unstable, her depression leading her to a life of drugs and hazy escape. Maybe he had finally been pushed over the edge? It wasn't that hard, he was born with one foot off and brought into a life that would only set him up for heartbreak and failure. Maybe Jason wasn't equipped to deal with that? Maybe he wouldn't take that or maybe he didn't care and he would take the final look over that endless chasm before plunging into the sweet darkness. It was a dark but persistent thought; was he worth it? He could pretend to be strong on the surface but underneath all the false bravado he was suffering, crumbling and cracking under the stress.

Never good enough—"You're not our Robin" he could hear the team hiss and they would never know how deep their words cut. His darkest fear and insecurities brought to light. It burned and he struggled to find purchase amongst all the skepticism. They expected him to fail—he wasn't their precious Dick Grayson, they wanted to watch him fall. So maybe he tried a little too hard—was too arrogant, too brash, too different from his successor. Different was bad and for once he wanted someone to reach out and tell him it wasn't. That he was Jason and that was okay. They all expected so much—how could he not resent Dick for setting these high standards. For leaving a legacy that felt nearly damn impossible to follow, let alone surpass. He had to fight through it, brunt force and determination. Dick, with his natural affinity for acrobatics defied all gravity, flew like a robin Jason could only wish to be.

Thoughts of his future scared him. If the Golden boy didn't last, how could a dirty street rat like Jason stand a chance?

So he clung to the past and the present. They were his beacon because the future didn't seem very bright. The past a nightmare that wouldn't release him from its clutches and the present a fanciful daydream just within his grasp.

He felt sick for needing Bruce's approval but he desperately craved it. Would do anything to see his father's face light up in pride—pride for him. The broken little boy inside of him ached for it but he would never let himself sink that low again, if he hadn't already. Resentment and disgust bubbled dangerously inside, anger for the life he was born into, sadness for the life that was slowly slipping through his grasp.

Anything, he would do anything. He would play Bruce's game—he'd be the obedient little boy, the brave soldier, everything and anything his mentor wanted.

A twinge of disgust rose in Jason. This was wrong. It was so wrong. Just entertaining that thought with such conviction sickened him. Was he really that willing to change himself? He was losing his mind but the little boy in his head screamed that it wasn't all that bad if it made Bruce happy. _He would love you more Jason. You'd finally be worth it_.

The words were sickeningly sweet and he wanted to believe them—to give in to all those wonderful euphoric feelings, like a drug running through his veins numbing him to pain but he couldn't and he would never give himself over to those dark thoughts.

His fist clenched, fingernails drawing blood and his teeth dug painfully into his lower lip. Pain distracted him from his own wayward thoughts, from his slow descent into madness. Strangely he could think more clearly through the pain, like he wasn't seeing things through a fog anymore.

Shaking his head slowly to regain his bearings Jason stood and searched through his old apartment left untouched by the landlord. All his belongings packed in a small brown box on his bed. Old memories became fresh in his mind. His old teddy bear, a baseball and an old worn mitt, his transformers toy from a happy meal, and documents. The old yellow files called to him and he fingered the clasp of the binder. Inside were old awards and more importantly his birth certificate. Somehow this felt validating, he always assumed his parents hadn't gone to a hospital, that his birth hadn't been significant enough to document but there it was.

This is his past coming back to haunt him. His fingers clench against the folder –the happy memories felt fake, the bad ones a distant dream. Catherine Todd wasn't his mother. His hands shook around the document. Where Catherine should have been printed is a water worn name. The only evidence of this 15 year old deceit is a smudged S. Despite the stinging betrayal, he took the news in stride.

At least it was hope. It was a future, he guessed.

**A/N: So that was it folks! Hope you enjoyed and next chapter I will probably elaborate more on what is going on with Jason's mental state. :)** **Read and Review por favor!**


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